The Bickers: The Key To My Heart

"You brought it?"

"Of course. I remembered to bring it when we left the smelly hotel room, I had it when we were wandering through the tomatoes, I offered it to you when we were eating our stolen blue plate breakfast and I suggested you stick it in the eye of the waiter, and I believe I was waving it at you in disgust when it caused the ignition switch on the car to malfunction. In fact, I have been trying to get you to take these keys from me for days!"

"Well, here we are. A turn of the key, and it will be all ours. I feel like Jason, about to snatch the golden fleece."

"Wait a minute. Wait. Let's think a minute."

"Cold feet?"

"Sort of. I mean, once we open this up, well, it's out there. No going back. We will be hot as firecrackers. Nothing will extinguish the thirst for our blood."

"That's pretty theatrical. Look at me - look - do I look like I'm scared?"

"No. You look like that freaking head. Hand me the knife and your toothbrush, I have to scrape some paint off this lock to loosen it up."

Little Red Riding Bicker

"It smells in here."

"You always say that. Hotels smell. Cheap hotels smell a LOT. It's just another fact of life on the run. Speaking of run, are you really going to wear those shoes ?"

"Yes. I thought you might want to use these keys to break the window. There aren't any fire extinguishers around."

"For once, we are on the same wave length. Did you see that guy in the parking lot giving us the eye last night? Do you think he made us?"

"I think if he did, we would not have had such a pleasant night."

"Speaking of pleasant, you had a moment last night when you quite reminded me of that shrieking head of my mother's. Almost made it impossible to perform, darling.'

"Don't bait me, or I will tell you how you remind me of a pencil. Did you put that hot as a firecracker pepper sauce on your egg and tomato? 'Cause I want what is left, if you didn't. Give me your plate, or just cut it in half. We should start getting ready to clear out of here. Clever of you to order room service. We can slip right out."

"I am ready to go as soon as I brush my teeth. OH, make sure you remember to take the toothbrush - we don't want to leave any DNA around."

Later

The strangers I confide in
The dogs who watch me
I doubt they will talk to each other
So the facts of my life will remain scattered
Shells on the beach.

The Bickers: Ain't that a Kick in the Head

"What ails you? He might not wake up from that!"

"Well, the extinguisher was handy, we needed to get out without paying...it seemed reasonable at the time."

"You nearly committed murder over a blue plate special of tomatoes and basil. You and your firecracker temper. Do I need to point out that we are trying not to attract attention?"

"If you don't stop yelling, your face is going to stick that way. Hmmm...where have I seen THAT look before? Here, let me brush some of that foam off you."

Okay, Okay, maybe I shouldn't have hit the waiter. And then, maybe, you shouldn't have screamed FIRE and sprayed him down. But what was your plan? Cutting him with that puny craft knife? Putting out his eye with the tail of one of the keychain fish? Or perhaps, smacking him in the temple with the heel of my black pumps?"

The Bickers: How do you like those 'maters.......

"OUCH! CRAP, that stings!"

"Stop screaming. Someone will see us."

"I keep stepping on these tomatoes and the juice is stinging my burn something awful. You told me you were going to pad it around the firecracker stuff."

"You are such a baby. I told you to wear better shoes. What IS it with you and those black pumps?"

"Ever notice our conversations always get down to you told me and I told you? Keep walking and let's talk about...I don't know... how great these tomatoes would look on that blue plate you almost bought."

"We could stuff one right in the screaming mouth of that silly statue your mother gave us. That would be a sight for sore eyes!"

"Okay, I'll pencil that in....next time we aren't being chased by the police through a tomato patch, we'll find things to do with fruit and props. Of course we would be brushing seeds out of things for weeks. "

"Did you bring the knife? We could stop for lunch... free lunch...."

"Oh, I have an idea about lunch, and it's not going to be tomatoes off the ground. I've got the key to it right here, on this awful key chain."

The Bickers: It Gets Explosive.

"Use the craft knife. Cut them open!"

"You are sure this is not going to hurt me?"

"No, no. We'll pad your ankle. You might get a little bruise - those pumps might not look as good on you, but we have to get that ankle monitor off or we will never get out of here."

"Okay, I'm using the craft knife."

"Now, empty the black powder on to the plate. Use the brush and brush it into a pile."

"What are YOU doing? Stop touching me like that."

"I'm poking a hole in the housing of the ankle thing with this pencil. We're going to pour the black powder into the hole, put this string in, light it, and VOILA! ankle monitor deactivates!"

"I wish we just had a key. Wouldn't it be great if that stupid fish key chain actually had a key to this on it? That would make it useful."

"C'mon, relax. You look like that shrieking head. I promise. It won't blow your eyes out."