The Bickers: It Gets Explosive.

"Use the craft knife. Cut them open!"

"You are sure this is not going to hurt me?"

"No, no. We'll pad your ankle. You might get a little bruise - those pumps might not look as good on you, but we have to get that ankle monitor off or we will never get out of here."

"Okay, I'm using the craft knife."

"Now, empty the black powder on to the plate. Use the brush and brush it into a pile."

"What are YOU doing? Stop touching me like that."

"I'm poking a hole in the housing of the ankle thing with this pencil. We're going to pour the black powder into the hole, put this string in, light it, and VOILA! ankle monitor deactivates!"

"I wish we just had a key. Wouldn't it be great if that stupid fish key chain actually had a key to this on it? That would make it useful."

"C'mon, relax. You look like that shrieking head. I promise. It won't blow your eyes out."

The Bickers: Nothing You Can Brush Off

"Ma'am, can we come in?"

"Why?"

"This would go easier if you just let us in."

"Well, you aren't coming in, without a warrant."

"And we brought one, Mrs. Bicker. This allows us to enter through a broken down door or an open one, your choice."

"That doesn't sound like a choice."

"It's whatever you want it to be, Ma'am. We have a warrant to enter this house and remove items that we feel would further our investigation."

"Investigation? What investigation?"

"We'll ask the questions, Mrs. Bicker. Now, please, let us in. Al is going to collect a DNA sample. Please go with him to the bathroom and show him Mr. Bicker's toothbrush. And Al, did you bring a pencil? "

"DNA?"

"Again, we'll be asking the questions, here. Mrs. Bicker, do you recognize this fish key chain?"

"It looks like one my mother gave me. Where did you get that? Should I have a lawyer?"

"Do you think you need a lawyer, Ma'am? You are not under arrest, YET, Mrs. Bicker. A lawyer would be your option. However, things will go a lot more smoothly if you cooperate."

"I'm calling my lawyer."

"Look, Mrs. Bicker. I have a list here. Can you please tell us where to find a pair of black pumps, an old china plate, and something that looks like a screaming head statue? Or should my men just tear this place apart?" His eyes wandered around the room. "AL! Did you find that craft knife yet?"

The Bickers: Making A Point

"That is NOT the plate you said you were going to buy."
"No, it's not. The blue plate was gone. I bet Kris went back and bought it. But they still had the shrieking head. I told you no one would want it."
"What are you doing with that knife?"
"They put these damn orange price stickers on and I have to scrape them off. Nothing will budge them."
"Let me help you. You are doing it all wrong."
"Stop that. Why don't you go do something productive like polish my suede pumps?"
"An elephant never forgets..."
"I didn't stretch out my underwear by gaining weight. YOU did it. I wish I had poked out my eyes before they saw that. "
"Grab a pencil and write this down: I owe you 350.00 for an auto repair."
"You are relentless."

The Bickers- a Magpie Tale About The Pencils

Scrolling down through the other Magpies will tell the whole tale....




"Man, I hate it when you do that."
"What?"
"When you do things ass backwards for no reason."
"Like?"
"THAT!"
"That, what?"
"Putting the pencils POINT UP where I can't get one out without getting graphite all over my fingers."
"What about when you leave the seat up? Does that count as ass backwards or ass wet-wards? You do THAT all the time."
"What about when YOU leave the cap off the toothpaste? What about when YOU put the toilet paper on the holder upside down? What about not covering food when you put it in the fridge? What about that stupid fish key chain that cost us $350.00?"
"You stretched out my shoes. That is all I have to say about THAT."

All Together Now!

So that the story makes sense, scroll through the rest of my Magpies!


"I hate that damn thing. .The eyes follow me around the room."

"Give it back to your mother. I think it IS your mother."

"I'll give it back to my mother when you get rid of that fish key chain that cost us 350.00."

"Don't even start. I spent 500.00 on therapy after that little stunt you pulled in my heels and underwear."

"That settles it. I will just take this shrieking head to the Goodwill when I go pick up that plate I want."

Bad Writing

(A response to Magpie's visual prompt for writing a small piece)




He coughs, importantly. Checks to see if we are all paying attention. I wish he would hurry up because I want to get a chance to read what I brought. I only get out one night a month and this writer's group is it.

Satisfied that we are all waiting, breath bated, for him to read, he begins, "My eyes wandered around the room..."

The Blue Plate

"Do you think it's something?"
"Look at the back."
Jessie turned the plate over. No markings. "I still think it's something."
"Well, it's a plate, for sure..."
She squints at the plate. "I should get one of those things... a little thing you look through."
"A jeweler's loop?"
She puts the plate down. "Is that what they call it? How come you name everything?"
I shrug. "Because things have names."
She picks the plate up again, and picks at the orange Goodwill price sticker. "Why do they have to put these on with glue that is like cement?"
"How come you ask so many questions?"
"Because everything is a question."
Laughing, we move on down the aisle.